Three Labrador Retrievers — one Chocolate, one yellow and one black were sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s when they struck up a conversation.
The black Lab turned to the chocolate Lab and said, “So why are you here?”
The brown Lab replied, “I’m a pisser. I piss on everything….the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my Owner’s’ bed.”
The black Lab said, “So what is the vet going to do?”
“Gonna cut my nuts off,” came the reply from the chocolate Lab. “They reckon it’ll calm me down.”
The black Lab then turned to the yellow Lab and asked, “Why are you here?”
The yellow Lab said, “I’m a digger. I dig Under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I’m inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner’s couch.”
“So what are they going to do to you?” the black Lab inquired.
“Looks like I’m losing my nuts too”. The dejected yellow Lab said
The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked, “Why are you here?”
“I’m a humper,” the black Lab said. “I’ll hump anything. I’ll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see.” Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower, and as she was bending down to dry her toes I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away”.
The yellow and chocolate Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, “So, nuts off for you too, huh?”
The black Lab said! . “No , I’m here to get my nails clipped.”

The Israeli Ambassador at the U.N. began, “Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech, I want to relay an old Passover story to all of you …
“When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt toward the Promised Land, he had to go through the nearly endless Sinai desert. When they reached the Promised Land, the people had became very thirsty and needed water. So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his staff and a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. The people rejoiced and drank to their hearts’ content.

“Moses wished to cleanse his whole body, so he went over to the other side of the pond, took all of his clothes off and dived into the cool waters. The only problem was when Moses came out of the water, he discovered that all his clothes had been stolen.

‘And,’ he said, ‘I have reason to believe that the Palestinians stole my clothes.’”

The Palestinian delegate to the UN, hearing this accusation, jumps from his seat and screams out, “This is a travesty. It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at that time!”

“And with that in mind,” said the Israeli Ambassador, “let me now begin my speech.”